suck-my-big.org

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6/30/01
For some reason, I thought today was July 1st, but alas, it isn't. So I spent the entire day - well from 1pm until 7pm - at the law firm, being a legal secretary. It wasn't a bad way to spend a Saturday, especially when I think that two days of work will cover my share of the rent around here. I am glad that my fast typing is a marketable skill!

6/29/01
Just call us the Casa de Unemployment!

But in good news, I've been playing legal secretary for the past two days, and they may want to keep me on fulltime - how cool is that. I knew that typing fast would come in handy some day. It isn't really what I want to do, but as long as the money is alright, and it continues to be as non-stressful as it has been, I'm cool with that. And I like the lawyers that I've been working with. I'm even going in tomorrow to do some work for one of the lawyers. Love it. I put in my invoice yesterday, too, which thrills me. I hope they do make an actual offer because then I can get off of unemployment and stop feeling like a welfare mother. The downside tho is that most law firms (and this one is no exception) hire most support staff as contract employees rather than salaried, so I would have to do some tax planning and find my own insurance etc, but heck, it's an enjoyable job, so I will just cross my fingers and worry about all that when the time comes.

Went to see A.I. with Matthew tonight, and the movie was not as enjoyable as I was hoping it might be - I was looking forward to it and it didn't live up to my expectations really. But we did run into two friends from r.a.t.m. and the movie did have Jude Law in it, yum.

6/28/01
Happy birthday me!

So Steve, Wayne, Wayne's friend whose name I can't remember and I went to see Carousel at the Papermill in NJ tonight. Carousel is my favorite show, ever, so I was looking forward to seeing it. Papermill usually does really good productions, too. The fact that we spent an hour and a half in traffic getting out of the city should have been an indication of what was to come. The show was so badly directed, and the tempos were too fast, and the costumes were horrible, and because the tempos were fast the actors were speaking their lines instead of singing them. At least the set was pretty. And I won't mention any names, but the actor playing Billy Bigelow was horrible - tho I was expecting that. He looks nice, and can sing very well, but he just can't act his way out of a paper bag. So put that together with bad direction and...

So we left at intermission. Bleh! Staying for the second act might have scarred me for life.

But other than that, it's been a really good day.

6/27/01
I have the best friends in the world. And what a small world it is! Our waiter at John's Pizza was a guy who was in Romeo and Juliet when I lit it in Tompkins Square Park two years ago. He looked at me, I looked at him and said, "I know you from somewhere..." and he looked at me and said, "You did the lighting design for Romeo in the park." How funny!

Anyway, my friends rule, and now I can buy many more blank VHS tapes from J&R and see much more cheap theatre.

So tomorrow I shall spend my actual birthday working at the law firm and seeing Carousel in NJ. I think I have worked on my birthday for as long as I can remember. Not that I mind - I need the money. I got a letter from unemployment today telling me that my benefits are half used up! That doesn't seem right! I have to go in to their office on the 3rd to have a little chat with them. I think there's a way to extend for another six months.

6/26/01
I love summer in New York - it's just so beautiful. When it isn't really humid, that is. Had dinner with Mom, Dad, Pete, Corrie and Pete's friend Jeremy (who annoys me to no end) in Little Italy at an (obviously) Italian place on Mulberry Street that didn't make the best pasta, but had really good seafood. Afterwards, I walked up to Houston Street and caught the train uptown and went to see the La Traviata that the Met was doing in Central Park. Gorgeous night, so I wandered around there for a while, just listening, and then walked across the park and came back downtown. Absolutely gorgeous out. Except for the part about waiting twenty minutes for the C train, and then having the "Barge of Death" come by the station and just sit there... and sit and sit and sit and sit - ugh. That was not so nice. But other than that, it was a lovely evening in the city.

Worked for Steve all day today, a nice day of easy busy-work, which I do not mind at all every now and then! And then we went to see The Invention of Love (my third time!) as it is closing this week.

Today's great discovery is that Derek Jeter, who turns 27 today - thereby making him two days older than me - is celebrating his birthday at a restaurant around the corner from where I will be celebrating mine tomorrow. Trisha, Ngoc and I are going to refrain ourselves from wandering in and grabbing his ass. It'll be tough.

6/25/01
Happy birthday Corrie! And Dan Weiss!

It is so nice to sleep in my nice soft bed. Rather, it is so nice to not-sleep in a car or a hard hotel room bed or on the grass near the parking lot outside Wal-Mart in Sandusky, OH. I slept until 1pm today, awakened only the call from John's Pizza to confirm my massive reservation for dinner tomorrow night. Dad volunteered to take Peter and Corrie around today - I called yesterday when I realized that we were going to be late (and tired from not really sleeping on Saturday night due to the blowout). So I just have to meet them and Mom at 6pm for dinner - we're going to go (I think) to Little Italy and find somewhere to eat.

My arm is itching like crazy. I hope I didn't sleep on poison ivy or anything like that. Must add "buying Calomine lotion" to the list of things I need to do today - along with buying stamps and video tapes, and right, continuing to look for a job. As of last week, I am now entering my fifth month of unemployment.

Let me re-iterate how much I love J. Jill clothes. I bought two pairs of linen drawstring pants from the store. LOVE them. So comfortable.

In the amazingly small world that New York is... I was at the post office, buying stamps in the retail-store part of the post office (love that, no lines), when this chick my age comes running over to me, literally. She stops, catches her breath, and says something to the effect of "Can I look at your tattoo oh my God that's amazing my boyfriend is coming he has to see this who did it?" I tell her Anil's name, and her boyfriend comes up and I repeat the info. Apparently he wants to get a tattoo, something pretty detailed (he showed me a picture that he had in his wallet of the design), and said that a friend of his had recommended an artist, but the guy (Nathaniel, his name was, cute too) had seen "this amazing Seurat painting on some girl's arm in a magazine or online or something, and then I saw you walking past us in the post office and was like 'no way that's her!' but it was, so I had to stop you!" How funny! So I wrote down the URL for Anil's site for him, and his address and my name, and they went their merry way and I bought my stamps.

6/24/01
Sunday night, and I am exhausted. Just got home.

So the trip was super fun. We thought about leaving on Friday morning and driving all day, and in retrospect, I'm glad we didn't, because there was apparently some big tanker truck accident on route 80 right about where we would have been, so yes, I am glad we left on Thursday.

We drove from Irvington west, until about 3am (somewhere in PA), through rain, hail and fog. James got the fog, I got the two torrential downpours to drive through. Found a hotel somewhere in the western part of PA, slept like a log for about 5 hours, and then we kept going... the weather on Friday was much better, and we made really good time into Chicago. We called ahead to the Days Inn to book a room, and as we were driving through downtown, I realized that we were around the corner from my friend Sue's apartment. So I called her up and we made plans to meet after the show James and I were seeing that night.

So Friday night we saw the new Bill Finn show, Muscle at Pegasus Players. It was not the best thing I'd seen - bad subject matter and the show just didn't flow right for me. Or any of us, actually. We met up with Scott from Talkin' Broadway and his girlfriend Janet there, I had read a post he made that said he'd be there and at the matinee of The Last Five Years, so we scanned audience member faces on Friday to see who he might be, and we were right. Very cool. Very cool people. But yes, the show was not great. Afterwards, we met up with Sue for a pint or two at a Scottish pub near the hotel/her apartment, and then I fell asleep again (long days of driving will do that).

So Saturday (it was only yesterday! jeez!), we went downtown to the Art Institute so I could look at my Seurat (it's mine, damnit) and the other Impressionist paintings there. I really love Chicago - it's so beautiful. And we had super weather for the entire trip (except for the pouring rain at night driving out there, ugh), and it was nice to just hang out. We drove up to Skokie for The Last Five Years and got stuck in terrible traffic. Made it to the theatre just in time for the matinee (barely!). And I have to say... I LOVED this show. I cried all the way through it, both times. I was really just touched by the show, and the music is super. Loved it. I could barely get out of my seat at the end of the matinee, I was so moved. My friend Norbert is in the cast, and I hadn't seen him in months. We were sitting in the fourth row (of a not-sold-out show) and he spotted me, and cheered and pointed during the bow. So I found my way down to the dressing rooms and he was as excited to see me as I was to be there seeing him and the show. Norbert, James and I went to dinner around the corner from the theatre, and caught up on what we'd been doing etc. Very happy to hear that he'll be in the new Harry Connick Jr./Stroman/Bierko show this fall.

And then I shopped. They have a huge outdoor mall. I love it. I want to move there immediately. To the mall. They have a J. Jill store!

And then to the evening show. Which I also cried through. Went down to say hi to Norbert and to Jason (the composer) after the show, and then we left for home.

So the plan was to drive until 2 or 3am again, and then crash for the night. Well... almost. I drove for a few hours and then we traded places. I slept, James drove. Until 3.15am, when he pulled over to the side of the road. Because we blew out a tire. Ow. Tired, groggy, and stuck outside of Toledo, OH at 3am with trucks blaring past. Not much fun. So we called the AAA folks who said they could send someone to find us, but it might be an hour. So we waited... and waited. And the sky got lighter. And lighter. And the guy finally came at 5am and changed the tire (no way we were going to do it in the dark on the side of the interstate!). Since all we had was a donut spare, we had to get a new tire. Drove a few exits to Sandusky and the woman at the toll booth told us that Wal-Mart (love Wal-Mart) had a tire center. So we found it (nearly 6am) but it didn't open until 10am. Ugh. Parked the car in the parking lot (and James didn't turn off the lights, causing minor trauma a bit later) and slept in it until 9 or so. Minor trauma - while James went to Wal-Mart, I tried to start the car so I could put a CD on, and it wouldn't start. You know those times when you're so tired that simple things don't work right? I tried about six times to start the car, thinking I must be doing something wrong (how can you go wrong in starting a car??) and when James came back, he realized that the lights were on and the battery was dead. So the folks at Wal-Mart had to jumpstart it, too.

Anyway, they sure are slow out there. Didn't get the tire changed until about noon, so I sunbathed on the grass outside Wal-Mart, went inside to use the bathroom and change my clothes, and just paced around getting anxious about leaving. Finally they changed it and we were on our way at noon. With not much sleep between us, so we traded the driving on and off all afternoon. We got stuck in traffic for about an hour somewhere in PA, and it just seemed to take forever to get home. Tired, cranky, the usual. I tried to nap while James was driving but it's hard to sleep in a car, you know?

Other fun things... the car is marked in kilometers, as it is a Canadian car. So we were driving 140 kph and that amused me. Chicago is beautiful. Jason Robert Brown writes good things. I love getting bear-hugged by Norbert. I am incredibly tired. Wal-Mart rocks my world.

I think that's it. I need to do email and sleep.

6/21/01
OK, we are off to Chicago today - see you all Sunday.

Keep yourself amused this weekend by listening to Danu, an Irish band that was referred to me by a suck-my-big.org reader in County Waterford (a beautiful place that I did not enjoy as much as I should have when Jen and I were there last year. must go back). If anyone out there knows a real Irish bar in the city (apart from O'Lunney's with the attractive bartender and the Abbey, which isn't really Irish anymore, not since Meg the waitress left) where there are sexy Irish accents and good looking men, please let me know! Or if you want to call me up and put on a fake accent for a few hours, that would be super, too.

And oh my - the fifth book in the Outlander series will be coming out in October! Hopefully in paperback, too, since I have the first four in well-worth paperback and want to keep the collection together. I love these books. LOVE. Probably one of the best series (serieses?) I have ever read. Oh my.

OK, I'm off. See you Sunday.

6/20/01
Hee. Guy Corporation Customer Service, Can I Help You?

It is so hot and humid outside. I went to Missy's show, which I actually enjoyed - surprisingly, since I can't stand Philip Glass' music - and since I was ushering, had to wear black. Ooh. Hot. We did lunch afterwards, and then I did some shopping (and ran into friend Eric on the street). I went to the funky perfume store (love them, they have a perfume called "Dirt") and picked up a few things, and then to the paper store to get birthday cards and wrapping paper (Dona and Ngoc and Corrie all have birthdays coming up, too), and then to Bath and Body Works on 4th Street to see if they had "Happy Daisy" (they didn't!). And then I walked crosstown to Washington Square and caught the train home from there... it is really hot out. As soon as I walked in the door I cranked up the AC and now I am half-dressed as it is to hot to consider putting clothes back on.

I am all packed for Chicago. As always, I am carrying more electronics than clothes. But that's partly because James said the car speakers might not be working, so I packed my (new! gift from Steve!) flat panel speakers and the car-lighter-power adaptor and a lot of batteries just in case we can't get the car speakers going. Plus the CD-player adaptor for the car in case the speakers are working. And since we have about 36 hours in the car to look forward to (LOVE road trips!), I just zipped up my big Case Logic book of showtunes to bring, too. And a dozen or so rock albums and movie soundtracks. We will have a musical-themed, sing-along roadtrip or else. I'm hoping that the recent rains in Chicago have cooled things off out there somewhat. But I have packed lightweight summer clothes anyway. I should find out from James what time we're leaving, since I have no idea. As long as it's after lunch - I rescheduled meeting Brian for lunch for tomorrow. Hopefully no servers will break!

6/19/01
So the HR chick at Intrasphere (who I really like, in fact, I like everyone there) called me this morning as I was on the way to the law firm, and said that as much as they like me, they can't bring me on right now - not in the position that we'd been talking about. She asked if I'd be interested in re-interviewing as an architect, more hands-on, which is something that I don't feel comfortable doing. Not what I'm really strong at these days, and not the career path I want to follow. So that's a shame.

But I spent ten hours working with Steve, Wayne and David today, and that was a lot of fun. I can put in an invoice next week, yay!

Anyway, I am sitting back and letting the world come to me this week. I am not stressing over anything. Hrm. At least where men are concerned. I'm sure I will change my mind about this being the best thing to do, but whatever - I'll go this week without worrying about it. It probably helps that I'll be in Chicago for part of the week, away from everyone that's making me crazy.

I'm ushering for Missy tomorrow afternoon, and then possibly working for Steve again. And sometime tomorrow I have to pack for Chicago and find the car adaptor for my CD player. We're going to leave sometime on Thursday, I would say "after work," but that doesn't apply to me, really. So sometime after James is done with work, I guess. The directions I picked up online said it'll be about 14 hours to get to Chicago, which means we should pack lots of caffeinated beverages if we want to make it in one shot. We probably can - I love long roadtrips, and did 14 hours on my own recently (Seattle-SLC, which reminds me, where's Josh fallen off the face of the earth to, wait, I'm not stressing this week), so we can probably do it with no problem. I'm more concerned about driving back on Sunday, because I have to be up and coherent on Monday to play tour guide with Pete and Corrie when they're here. But very excited about the trip.

6/18/01
I am having a much better day, and am very sweaty from skating all afternoon. It's gorgeous out, and the weather is making me feel better. Must stop beating up self over what other people do and say - that's not good!

Luckily I had time to come home after skating and hop in the shower and wash off the sweat, which was literally dripping off me. Love that feeling. So I showered, changed, and went out to meet James in midtown for this thing on theatre that the New York Times was sponsoring - Gary Sinise was there, hence, I had to go. That was only ninety minutes long, so I went up to Central Park and snagged a ticket to Measure for Measure from someone who had extras. And while I like the show - I did it with 2texans last year - this production wasn't that good. With two exceptions (the actors playing the Duke and Lucio), the cast seemed very unfamiliar with the text, as if they were reading it directly from the book. The staging was nice, and the production values were super, but the cast was very unsteady and not all on the same level. I left at intermission.

On my way uptown, I picked up the $5 Moulin Rouge bootleg video, which looks like what you would get for $5 on the street, but now I can listen to the parts I like repeatedly. I was tempted to stay at AMC (where the Times thing was) and sneak into the 7.45pm showing, but I didn't. It was too nice out.

Anyway, I don't feel much like writing much today.

6/17/01
I am having a very melancholy day. I cried all morning (well, what was left of it, as I woke up at noon after not falling alseep til sometime around 6am) and am just in a funk. I figured I could stay home and mope with the cats or I could get out and get some air. Since I have the rest of my life to be home alone with cats, I went out to the Met and wandered around the American Wing for a while - looking at the Sargents, wishing I had a house full of beautiful Federal-style furniture, and people-watching. I feel a little better, but one never knows when one's emotions will creep up and startle us and go "boo", does one (Yes, OK, Ragtime quote, sue me).

I love the Met.

I shall now spend the rest of the day reading and occasionally kicking something, as I am really not that much happier than I was this morning. But I am much calmer and not all tear-y anymore. I cancelled getting together with Kenny. That's just not a good idea. At all.

Anyway, I am off to wallow in melodramatic sense of self-pity and insecurity, and ponder the idea of growing old with many cats. Oh, and I updated my resume. So hire me. I'm usually a lot cheerier, promise! And I am much less self-centered offline.

Here, this article is in the line of thought in which I am indulging.

much, much later on 6/16/01
First of all, smoking is bad. And I feel very very ashamed that I smoked tonight. I was drinking socially and I smoked. I have immense guilt.

And I am feeling very down right now, for reasons I can't put a finger on. Or rather, I can, but I don't want to get into it in this forum. I like to say that I have no needs, but that is not completely true, and I am feeling it heavily tonight.

I have a major issue, and that is that I have a thing for my friend David, and have ever since I met him two and a half years ago. I think it's reciprocated, however we have timing issues, as he is newly single and probably moving to CA for grad school in September. But that doesn't negate the major thing-having. I don't know if it's some kind of chemistry or what, but there's something there. So I went out to Brooklyn to a small party he was throwing (where, in a small world twist, I met one of his friends, who it turns out sat next to me at Copenhagen last year - he remembered my tattoo). Anyway. There was much exchanging of glances and really that was about it. I made an attempt at a pass but it was deflected due to what is I'm sure a timing issue, and now, at 4am and at home, I am feeling very alone. Really feeling it. I am incredibly sad.

Timing is everything. I am hoping we work this out, because I am sick and tired of being alone. And I really do feel strongly for David. And I am having over-arching questions about whether I will ever be capable of being in a long-term stable anything, but that's another story.

Anyway, I am probably reading too much into everything. Take deep breaths, try to sleep.

And I hate that I smoked.

6/16/01
It's hazy and humid out, but not too hot, which is nice. I'm watching our gardening neighbor, Matt, as he replaces the planking on his part of the deck. We really need to nail down our boards, too, but we never seem to have nails or energy to do it. It would be great if Matt did not use our half of the deck as a storage bin for the stuff he's working with, but whatever, he cleaned it up. Mostly. There's still a deck chair sitting on our table.

It's lovely - I can safely say I did nothing today. Well, scanned through a few videos, watched the South Park movie, went to the Seaport to go shopping (finally using my Talbot's gift certificate, well, one of them), read Interview (with a headline like "Jude Law Gets Us Wet," how could I refuse?), and took my time getting dressed for the party I'm going to tonight.

I look stunning.

I applied to Penguin Putnam as a legal assistant. Hopefully they will overlook that little Dorothy Parker/copyright thing from a few years ago. And also overlook the lack of actual legal experience on my resume. They should focus on my intelligence, love of legal procedure, and willingness to forgive them for said copyright issue. Oh, and my knowledge of the John Grisham repertoire. I also applied to Tahari to be a model (they're hiring!) as I am *almost* a perfect size six.

6/15/01
Oh God, I am tired. I would feel better if I had gotten to the doctor's office and actually seen him at 8.30, instead of having to wait until 9am. But at least I have a clean bill of foot health from the orthopedist - he was impressed with my range of motion and all that good stuff, so I am all done. And it could be worse, the guy in the next room was having the same surgery I had, but on both calves at the same time. Poor guy.

Brian and I had to reschedule lunch - when I got up to his office yesterday, they were in the middle of a major server crisis. Never ask a non-technical person (secretary!) to clean up the server, when it hasn't been backed up in a week. Apparently, instead of listening and just writing down file names, she decided to delete the files to "clean up" the server. So obviously, it was not a good time to try and leave the office for an hour. I came home, grabbed pizza, and went right back out again to the law firm to hang out with Steve ("Do you want to come up here and surf the net in the air conditioning?" "Yes") before the show.

Urinetown was much better this time around - and not just because of Marcus Lovett. But he sure did help. He's really got the best singing (or heck, speaking) voice I have ever heard. Seriously. So I really enjoyed the show a lot more last night. Said "hi" after the show, and handed off a letter that Pam and Kris (in London) had asked me to give Marcus - their son was in WDTW with him in London, I had Easter dinner with them when I was there in April. I am very nearly tempted to try and see it again while he's there, but I would have to go tonight or tomorrow afternoon, and I haven't decided what I'm doing tonight or tomorrow yet. Or if I'll be awake enough to go, as I am very tired right now from getting up at 7.30am. In the audience last night: Mandy Patinkin, who sat two rows behind us (we were front and center) and laughed loudly all through the show. I was nearly tempted to show him my Sunday tattoo, but didn't. Spotted at The Producers when James and I went on Tuesday: John Larroquette (who isn't looking too good) and the tall guy from Penn and Teller - I can't remember who's who.

I guess I'm not the only one.

Go on. Buy what's in my CD player today. I haven't heard this CD since I bought it, but while I was flipping through my book o' CD's, it jumped out and said "play me!" and now I can't get it out of my stereo. Buy it. Play it. Love it. I am dancing around the apartment. Well, not while I'm typing, but you understand.

I suppose I should find a job before I am homeless. I can't believe that SF's unemployment maxes out at $230. It's $405 here.

I have been job hunting online all day, with only a quick break to do some food shopping and have my nails and brows done. Love the little Korean women down the street. Today I learned that I need more protein in my nails and that is why they are so weak. Perhaps I should just soak them in a big piece of chicken or something, because I have no idea how one feeds protein to one's nails. Anyway, laziness is setting in, and I may just stay in tonight and watch the Yankees beat the Mets. It's hazy and humid out (boy, can't wait for August) and the thought of going up to Urinetown or heck, leaving the apartment, is just not appealing. Which is kind of a shame, since Marcus Lovett trumps Derek Jeter in a heartbeat.

6/14/01
Hrm. My phone rang three times this morning - Brian, to move lunch back an hour; Michelle, to ask if I wanted to go to a film screening on Monday; Dr. Sands' office, to ask if I can come in at 8.30am instead of 10am tomorrow. That's really early. But hopefully after tomorrow morning, my heel issues will be over. I hope! I had to decline the screening on Monday, as I'm going to some seminar that night which will be just as exciting - that was a tough call. And as for lunch, well, an hour is an hour. Not a big deal.

It is incredibly humid out. But not hot. It makes the choice of outerwear difficult. Today I am clad in Dosa sample sale garb - sassy black silk pants and sheer purple-y tank top. Very nice!

I totally forgot that I said I would play tour guide for Peter and Corrie when they come out next Monday. I hope I'm awake enough to do it, as James and I will be driving back from Chicago all day Sunday. Still can't believe that Corrie has never been to New York. Peter gave me a list of all of the places he wants to take her, but I have a feeling that it'll end up with us just wandering around the city for a few hours. "The city" is a lot to cover in one afternoon.

Oh God! I should not update the site when I have been drinking! I keep reminding myself of that and keep forgetting. Amazing what alcohol does to the powers of memory.

There are bagpipers outside my building. It's the Flag Day parade - it's funny, I heard the bagpipers and was confused. So I IM'd Dad and asked if he could hear them (he's like four blocks away, on Water Street), but he couldn't. And ten minutes later he IM'd again to say that the parade had moved over there and now he could hear them. It's a small world down here.

Ooh, and drummers! I can hear them! Maybe I should go look! No, musicians = bad. Maybe I should finish getting dressed instead, and go have lunch, and go to work for a bit and then go see Urinetown. Yes, much better plan. I was going to go to a gig that Kenny's playing at tonight, but it isn't until midnight, and once the doctor's office called me to ask if I could come in earlier... so no gig for me. That's OK.

later on 6/13/01
Whoops, I am very tipsy as have decided to drink two small bottles of red wine (yum) that I swiped from Virgin Atlantic way back when.

I also decided to have a cigarette along with the wine, and I made it through half of one before stubbing it out on the deck - it was the nastiest tasting thing I have ever had. Jen is my conscience and told me not to do it, but I could not listen. Never again. Disgusting. So I guess what I crave is just something to have in my fingers as I twirl a wineglass in the other hand. Hrm. Bad habits, all around. Anyway. David and I have been exchanging emails for part of the evening, so I get very excited when I check for new mail and there's actually something there. Of course, sometimes it's just mail from a mailing list that I'm on, but sometimes it thrills me.

I was irked earlier (love that word - irked) that I had not heard from someone else I am interested in, but whatever. Life's too short to worry about it. And I am feeling very sassy and vivacious and in demand now, so I can deal with slight disappointment about not talking to actor-crush today. And besides, actors = bad. Musicians = bad. Drinking wine from Virgin Atlantic = good.

So, very happy tonight tho, as David (big crush, remember?) is back from Oregon, and has invited me to a party he's throwing on Saturday night, where there will be much flirting and drinking and no smoking at all. So that makes me happy, as I have not seen him since he has been single, and I really do have a big crush on him. Yay! And in other happy news, Michelle and I went to see Blast again tonight, and saw the drummer that I also have mild crush on (very mild - while I have his phone number, thanks to mutual friend, I have not called), and the show itself is just a lot of fun.

I should probably not update the site after drinking, but whatever. Must sleep now.

6/13/01
While I am a Cancer, I do not have infinite patience.

6/12/01
James and I saw The Producers tonight (my 3rd, his 4th), and it was much more amusing this time. Still don't think they should have won the Tony for lighting, score or featured actress, but what can you do. And we plotted more of the Chicago trip. I printed out the driving directions - love the part where it says "get on Route 80 and drive for about 750 miles" - that was my favorite.

What else is new... worked today for Steve, and going in tomorrow, too. Made lunch plans for later this week with friend Brian from Xceed (well, formerly), who is the cutest thing ever. Well, one of the cutest things ever. We had sassy lunch a few months ago at a very cool place in Soho, which made terrific sandwiches. But Soho being a neighborhood that we both get lost in (although he works there and I used to), it took us a half hour to find the restaurant in the first place, and I couldn't tell you where it was!

If my social life is so booming all of a sudden, why am I still bored? What am I missing?

6/11/01
Today is a day of sweat. I went up to the park to skate (as promised yesterday), and as soon as I started to do the loop, it started to rain. Of course, this being June, it stopped raining about a minute later. I haven't been out skating in about 2 weeks, maybe a little longer, so it was hard to get going today, I felt like I was going incredibly slowly. But it was nice to be out on a Monday afternoon, with the park empty. I took lots of small breaks in my trip and a half around the loop.

I had plans to call Kenny around 5.30, after my skate, but I soon realized that I was not going to skate the full time, too worn out. So I called and went over an hour earlier, around 4.30, and we just hung out, read the Times and caught up on what we'd been doing. It's summer, you know, so that means that my comparisons to Carrie and Mr. Big can begin again in earnest. Kenny is my Mr. Big. He's a lot of fun to hang out with, but I don't see us getting back together, as there would really be no sustainable future in it, but I like having him as a friend. Anyway, he set aside tickets for me for a gig he's doing on Thursday night, and we made tentative movie plans for Sunday. We shall see...

But to continue that today is a sweaty day...I came home and realized that my carpet in my room is crunchy, so I piled everything on the bed (cd books, a dozen shoes, ten bottles of wine that make up my "wine cellar", file folder thing, box of videotapes, jeans, headphones, small table and alarm clock and stereo that are on it, boots, trash can, bag of first aid stuff) and dragged the vacuum down here and sucked up all the dirt. And even used the hose attachment to clean the stairs, too.

Now I am scratching bug bites.

In my laziness, I am thinking how cool it would be if my box radio had a remote control. And then I remembered that it does have one, and I think I threw it out ages ago, when I figured I would never use such a thing. But boy do I want one right now.

6/10/01
Happy birthday, Matthew.

Went to the Class Act closing with new friend Mike (from Ohio, nice to meet someone who travels like I do on the spur of the moment), that was a lot of fun. And I looked very sassy in my black sundress which I have owned for years (like most of my summer clothes, because I can't outgrow them and don't see the point in throwing out things that still fit) and my new black sandals which I am still trying to break in.

I love our deck. I spent a good hour out there reading tonight, after the show (and before Sex and the City and the dead people show). Love the deck.

No smoking today! Missy commented that our smoking habits go in cycles, as when I quit, she's smoking, and when she quits, I'm smoking, but I think this time I am done with smoking. Until of course someone dies or I get my heart broken or major trauma ensues, at which time I will turn to nicotine as a crutch and wonder if life is worth living and cause major drama, which will all be in my head as I am bad with emoting, so I will externally show that internal drama by holding a cigarette and plaintively sucking all of the nicotine into my lungs repeatedly.

Well. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. I shall try to keep my life stress free and my heart unbroken and all of my family and friends alive.

Speaking of one of the above, Kenny called - he's actually been calling and I've been conveniently forgetting to return his calls. So we're going to have dinner tomorrow. I'm just a girl who can't say no. To dinner.

Speaking of another of the above... I can't sleep. I'm thinking about Josh. Sigh.

And wondering once again where that fine line is between being assertive and being... I don't know. I remember writing somewhere else (and was reminded of it by last week's SATC) that most men say they are thrilled when women are assertive, but then why are so many scared off when women actually do ask them out, or take the lead? Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm still picking the wrong ones. This is a generalization, nothing specific.

I've been feeling panic-y lately. I don't know if it's from the nicotine withdrawl or something else altogether. If it's from something else, then I have no idea what's causing it. In my life, I've only had one major panic attack - when I was in the hospital in November. I just started hyperventilating and crying and didn't know why. I was just incredibly scared. And grateful for the nurse who came over and held my hand and brought me ice chips and tissues. But I couldn't stop shaking and crying for a good 15-20 minutes in the pre-surgery room. It was terrifying. But I've had this mild panicked feeling since the other day, and I don't know why.

Nearly 3am and I still cannot sleep. Sleep remedies I have tried tonight:

It's a good thing I don't have to get up for work tomorrow.

6/9/01
I am tired, cranky and have really bad cramps. Stay away from me today.

But I did not have a cigarette yesterday. Or today. It has now been nine days since my last one.

And I must say, Swordfish is the msot laughably bad action movie I have seen in a long time. It was so bad that it was good. Love Hugh Jackman tho - very convincing as the computer hacker/sex object/action star. Jen and I nearly saw him in Oklahoma in London in 1998, but didn't, as neither of us particularly like the show. Ah well. Not as if we knew who he was then, anyway. But yes, laughably bad movie. Trisha, Ngoc and I are all excited that as of Monday, Moulin Rouge will have been in theatres for ten days, so we can use our free movie passes to see it repeatedly.

Missy generously shared her Naproxin with me, causing cramps to disappear and lower extremities to fade into nothingness all afternoon. Mmm.

I keep forgetting that there are people in the world who have better things to do than talk to me! How distressing is that!

later on 6/8/01
Washington Heights is an hour away on the A train. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise! But Keith and Ngoc have the best apartment, and it is worth the trip. And now it has an air conditioner - I'm sure Trisha has many pictures of my in my skirt and boots standing on the windowsill, unscrewing the window guard so that Stan could install the AC. Stunning! We sat around and ate pizza, played Taboo and Scattergories (two games that I am really really good at, but maybe it was the company that was there).

I have had one cigarette in the past two weeks. That is amazing. And I am really craving one right now, but I will. Not. Have. One. I wish I had some way to reward myself for not smoking, but I can't think of anything to do as a reward. My usual reward for accomplishing something is having a cigarette, but I think that's too ironic in this case. I know that if I go and have a cigarette, I will regret it and feel guilt and have feelings that I am not completely in charge of my life and that is bad bad bad. And as much as I keep thinking, "it's OK, I'm quitting, I'm allowed to slip..." that is just not right. I'm quitting - I am NOT allowed to slip.

JoeyGillis: just so you know......if i remember correctly it's the second week that's the toughest
Catherine62874: i am just antsy
JoeyGillis: i know but i'm just telling you. i think if you get through the second week you're fine
Catherine62874: thanks :-) this is the end of week two... 
JoeyGillis: since you had that ONE or since you started quitting?
Catherine62874: since i started. I had one 8 days ago.
Catherine62874: so it is nearly 2 weeks then
JoeyGillis: ok good
JoeyGillis: just remember that you can do it!
Catherine62874: i can!
Catherine62874: i am bigger than all those little cigarettes!
Catherine62874: it is a nasty nasty habit
JoeyGillis: when you get up in teh morning take a deep breath and say "ok. another day not smoking"
JoeyGillis: and just remember that quitting smoking is harder than quitting heroin. so just think how cool that makes you
Catherine62874: hahaha thanks for pointing that out
JoeyGillis: if you quit i'll buy you a superman tee shirt
Catherine62874: mmm. tempting.
Catherine62874: but i would never wear it.
JoeyGillis: ;-)
Catherine62874: and you know that.
JoeyGillis: you can hang it up though
JoeyGillis: how bout she-ra?
Catherine62874: how about if i quit for 6 months, i get to have mad sex with russell crowe?
JoeyGillis: i'll see what i can do
Catherine62874: thanks, babe, you're the best.
JoeyGillis: though he's a smoker i believe so by then you may not want him cuz he's got a nasty habit and you don't
Catherine62874: well, then it will be a true test of my quitting.

I love you, Joey.

From the National Cancer Institute's page on quitting:

The key to living as a nonsmoker is to avoid letting your urges or cravings for a cigarette lead you to smoke. Don't kid yourself - even though you have made a commitment not to smoke, you will sometimes be tempted. But instead of giving in to the urge, you can use it as a learning experience.

First, remind yourself that you have quit and you are a nonsmoker. Then look closely at your urge to smoke and ask yourself:

==============================================================================
* Where was I when I got the urge?
* What was I doing at the time?
* Who was with me?
* What was I thinking?
==============================================================================

The urge to smoke after you've quit often hits at predictable times. The trick is to anticipate those times and find ways to cope with them - without smoking. Naturally, it won't be easy at first. In fact, you may continue to want a cigarette at times. But remember, even if you slip, it doesn't mean an end to the nonsmoking you. It does mean that you should try to identify what triggered your slip, strengthen your commitment to quitting, and try again.

The answers to those questions are:

* Home, in bed, on the laptop
* Sitting online, having mild panic attack that started as I left the subway station for no apparent reason
* No one
* "Why am I having a panic attack?" "I have a headache" "I am sad about something that I cannot put a finger on" and "I want a cigarette, but I know it is bad for me. And I have already quit smoking"

Doesn't really help, but I did not have a cigarette, and that was the goal. Or the non-goal, as it is.

6/8/01
Happy birthday, Jeff.

I'm having a bad hair day, and have no idea how the interview went. Talked to three more people there, and I can't get a read on if they really really want me to come work there and just haven't figured out what position I'd be suited for, or if they haven't decided on if they like me yet. But you would think after three interviews... tho the HR woman I met today said it took her fifteen! Bigtime frustration.

Oh lord, Eddie Hartman has climbed back on the earth, after falling off it!

Two small world things from Stacy Horn's book: she mentions someone I had a fling with (Bruce Fancher, founder of MindVox), and she is friends with my friend Marianne Petit, who used to smoke and be mistaken for a hooker outside of Show World with me last spring (somewhere around the 1st-4th of May, if you're looking).

One year ago today, I saw Gladiator for the first time. Mmm. And Jesse wrote my personal ad for me. It hasn't helped, wonder why. It must be my fear of the outer boroughs holding me back. Gladiator trivia of the day, from IMDB:

The tattoo on Maximus' arm, SPQR, stands for "Senatus Populusque Romanorum" which means "the Senate and people of Rome." The letters were used to denote official entities. They can still be seen in many parts of the city of Rome to this day.

Now I want to go to Rome.

Another reason to buy "liquid-filled" bras. We keep laughing at them, but one apparently saved this woman's life. I'm stocking up! And in other news, how sad is this? This little boy is the only person in his graduating class, the school is closing. Thanks to obscurestore.com for the links.

Today my walkman is filled with the song stylings of Bat Boy. I shall be singing it loudly on the subway as I trek to Washington Heights tonight, as it takes about six hours to get there on the A train.

6/7/01
Yay, movie date with friend Jeff. Although I did not need to see a movie about the past two years of my life (Startup.com) and I did not think it was that well put-together, the company was a lot of fun.

Today was a beautiful day. Although I was up late online and reading, I managed to get up at 10am. Granted, it was because a recruiter called to say "hi" and see how I was doing, but still, I got out of bed earlier than usual. Went over to Dad's, then to the store to (finally) buy laundry detergent etc. Did my two loads of laundry, and tackled all of my other errands except for re-sewing the hem on my black skirt, because I don't have black thread for the sewing machine and it's too much to do by hand.

And then movie, and dinner at the Hotel Edison, and then the rest of my errands (dropping off video of the Tony Awards to a woman from Talkin' Broadway, and giving Dona back her tape of Pulp Fiction), and then A Class Act. I love my theatregoing friends. They are always there. I was going to walk from the Film Forum up to 46th Street, because it was so gorgeous out, but made it to 14th Street and hopped the train up instead. I'm still breaking in the new sandals that I bought a few weeks ago, so I didn't want to aggravate my feet too much. But I love this weather!

I can't remember if I mentioned or not... Mom picked up a book by Stacy Horn, founder of the Echo BBS (a rival to Mindvox, back in the day), and she said that the writing reminded her of my style, so she sent me the book when she finished it. I started reading last night and could not put it down. Finished it today while I was waiting for Dona, and I cried through the last twenty pages or so, where she has to put her cat to sleep. It was nearly embarrassing as I was sitting on a stoop outside a cabaret on 46th Street while I was reading, and the tears were just rolling down my face behind my sunglasses, but I was really moved by the writing.

While waiting for Jeff at the movies, the fact-checker from the Village Voice called me. They're going to run the Munchausen-by-Internet piece next week.

And Intrasphere wants to see me tomorrow morning at 9.30am. Glad I didn't choose tonight to booze it up on the town - since I didn't get the email until after midnight.

6/6/01
I love the Onion - quantum slacks! Fashion meets physics! "We are about to discover the very fabric of the universe, and it appears to be a smart cotton-twill weave."

And in other good articles of the day, I'm quoted in this Wired story about online hoaxes. Will the fun never stop? I love the part where it makes me sound employed. I sent Michael the book proposal text that the article was based on (well, sort of, the reporter called me, I sent her the same text, and she called back with questions) and he said I write well and it would make a good play or movie or something. Well, tell that to the publishers that didn't think it was publishable. All twenty of them. Feh.

I am so tired today. The concert was a blast, again, and we made it home a little earlier, as there was none of that business about winding up four miles from where we parked, like on Monday (whoops). But I could not fall asleep at all, kept tossing and turning. Ugh. Luckily it won't be a late day today - doing some stuff at the law firm this afternoon, and then seeing Michelle's cabaret act at 7pm (at Don't Tell Mama, $10 cover, she's very good). And then... sleep. I hope.

Here's the problem with Jen and I owning the same model of MiniDisc player. I recorded the concert last night, and gave her the player in the car so we could play it back. And when she gave it back to me, I just tossed it in my bag. So she called from Florida this morning, where she is vacationing (after getting up at 5am, I couldn't do that) to tell me that she gave me back hers instead - and lo and behold, she did - the disc inside has the concert from the night before in it ;-) We are too funny. And no, it's not like we can really tell the players apart by figuring out which night of boy band mania was inside - her MiniDisc player looks like it's been through a minor war.

In the "your money is no good here" vein... I went to pick up my film this morning from the camera place on the corner, and I handed the woman a $10 bill to pay for it. Which she gave right back to me because it was counterfeit! I had no idea! But it really was - it didn't say "In God We Trust" on the back. So I took it back, gave her another one instead, and then spent the counterfeit $10 bill at Ranch1 for dinner.

Steve did my horoscope (I am a Cancer with Taurus rising, if that means anything at all to anyone out there, because it means nothing to me) at work and printed it out for me. Except for the parts about loving nature and being beautiful even if you aren't, it's dead on. It says that the period of time between June 1 and August 1 is good for making changes in the home, getting rid of bad habits, starting new relationships and recognizing adopted attitudes that may get in the way of seeing things clearly. How true!

I finally watched the Sex and the City episodes from last week - and a plethora of people I recognized: Jonathan (yum) Dokuchitz, Mario (ugh) Cantone, Jose (not evil enough to be the bad guy in Martin Guerre) Llana, Alan (willkommen) Cumming, Jason (best part of Contact) Antoon, etc. Love this show, so glad it's summertime again. Oh and they shot a few of the scenes at the most beautiful church in Manhattan, the Church Around the Corner, on 29th Street near where I lived several years ago. I love that church.

Grr, Palm Pilot crashed.

And in today's good news, Intrasphere wants to set up another, third, interview with me for later this week or next week. That's very exciting.

Michelle's cabaret was a lot of fun - we managed to get seats up front, prime for video'ing her cabaret debut. She sang a very funny tune called the "Alto's Lament," which I had never heard before. Her mom is up from Alabama (first trip here, first time on a plane, worried about her daughter all alone in the city and she's so glad that Michelle has such great friends), so she sat with us as well. Michelle also took Mom to see Aida and to the NSync concert. Her mom may think we are all a bit touched, but she seemed geniunely happy with her trip to the city.

My mental list of errands for tomorrow: drop generic Wal-Mart brand nicotine gum off at Dad's, as I can't use it and he can; find Pulp Fiction video to return to Dona, after having had it on our shelves for the past two years; pick up other roll of film, remember not to use counterfeit money; buy laundry detergent and do laundry.

6/5/01
I am on hold with unemployment, to find out what's happened to my checks. Estimated wait time is twenty minutes. So what better time to update the site...

The concert last night was fun. We love how close Giants Stadium is to NY, as the drive is always quick in both directions. And we had super seats, seven rows from the stage, directly to the side. And we weren't sitting near screamy fans, which was just lovely. I am still glad that I have earplugs (from Virgin Atlantic, LOVE flying Virgin!), because they were needed that close. As always, we were entertained by the boys. And yes, we are way too old to be that entertained, but whatever. And tonight we get to go again - but for free! Apparently one of the kids down front at the concert last night grabbed Justin inappropriately during one of the floor-humping numbers. I have no idea how Jen and I missed that. It boggles the mind what 14 year olds will do.

Still on hold. Listening to the "Carousel Waltz." Not on hold - on my CD player. I have fielded two calls on my cellfone while waiting for unemployment to pick up. One from a recruiter who has a position I might fit, and one from Michael, who has the concert tix for tonight that I need to go pick up. Another of my recruiters called me yesterday as well, and she may have something next week, and will let me know. But it was good to hear from her, as I feel awkward repeatedly calling the recruiters to harrass them. So it's nice when they call me.

I have managed to get dressed and put on makeup while on hold, too.

OK, finally got through. I can hear the claims agent typing away in the background. They must have a very slow computer system. And it took me ten minutes on the phone with her to find out I have to speak to someone else... ugh. Calling the other number. They aren't there. Voice mail.

Post-Tony's sadness: Jane Eyre, Class Act and Bells are Ringing all to close on Sunday.

Oh whew, got through - they screwed up and forgot to un-hold my checks, so they will all be mailed tomorrow! Yay! Influx of cash!

So I finally talked to the recruiter, and they did indeed have an interesting position. Managing a team of support folk for a pretty big international company... in Paris. The recruiter read my resume and said, "Wow, she's perfect for the job, if only she spoke French." And then he scrolled down the page to find where I wrote that I do indeed speak it (it's listed right underneath "NY State Driver's License" and right above "Can bake a mean Tuna Noodle Casserole"). If we had not just signed the lease (and I didn't have cats and Assassins wasn't coming to Broadway and my love life didn't seem about to pick up), I would think about it - it's for a year. Love Paris. Not ready to move tho. The recruiter said they may have another opening at the executive support level, with lots of travel tho, which would be much nicer, as I'd be based in NY still, which is what I want. Waiting to hear back.

I am loving the Bat Boy CD - very well produced. I also picked up a few other CD's while I was out, so today will be a full music day. Jen has pointed out that Seussical, one of the CD's I picked up, shares the Parade syndrome, in that it's great to listen to on CD, but didn't really work onstage. I heartily agree. Michael and I talked to the cashier in the classical/showtunes area, and he said he was looking forward to seeing Bells are Ringing next Friday. We told him he had better look forward a little more quickly to it. And it is beautiful out, I went out and did 9/10th of my errands (still have to run out and buy laundry detergent, I've been putting off doing laundry for a while now).

This whole Nepal thing is frightening.

Urges to have lung-punishing cigarette today: 3
Cigarettes smoked: 0
Number of pieces of generic Wal-Mart nicotine gum chewed: 0
Amount of willpower I possess today: gazillions!

6/4/01
Oh God there are too many people in this city. And they all smoke. Even though I have been a smoker for the past five years (until ten days ago, when I quit for the last time), I have always thought that the smell of cigarette smoke is choking and unhealthy. And addictive. Which is why I didn't quit before. But it's really a problem. I can't stand the smell, and when I've been outside in the past few days I'm really noticing it and it's bothering me. So the air today is humid, smoky and crowded. And I can't wait until there's a morning when I wake up without the taste of nicotine in my mouth, because it's really a disgusting feeling. I can't use the generic Wal-Mart brand nicotine gum anymore - it's aggravating my gums and causing canker sores - so I am going on sheer willpower these days, which is fine because every time I think about having a cigarette I just remind myself that I am no longer a smoker, and I really do not want one, and that having a cigarette will break my vow of quitting. So far, it's working. It is a nasty nasty habit. It causes cancer. It makes your skin and hair dry out. It causes wrinkles. It makes you short of breath. It makes your chest and lungs and throat hurt.

And I am a quitter, and proud of that.

I got out of the subway at Grand Central, on my way to pick up a check from Steve, and there was a fire at the Grand Hyatt on the corner of 42nd Street and Lexington Avenue. Fire trucks and firemen spraying water hoses at the corner of the restaurant (?) in the hotel, and police cars screaming down Lex. Crowd standing around watching. People everywhere. The city is crowded today. I'm having a claustrophobic day in the city.

Which is a shame, as Giants Stadium seats something like 70,000 people, and Jen and I will be right in the middle of it tonight.

Yay, Bat Boy cast recording comes out tomorrow. Must stop by Virgin and pick it up - loved this show.

6/3/01
Everyone should go and flirt with my friend Jesse. That is, all of the attractive, smart and not-too-tall girls out there. He has a stunning apartment in the east village and it has a terrace. He also comes from a well-moneyed family, owns his own tools, and can code in perl.

So I was disappointed with the Tony's this year, as I did not think that The Producers should have swept all of the awards. There were a few (Lighting, Score etc) that I feel should have gone elsewhere (Jane Eyre, Full Monty etc), but what can you do. I also didn't think that the musical numbers were presented all that well. All in all, I'm glad that I decided to stay home and watch from the couch, as I got to paint my nails, eat some chips, and put my feet up on the couch, while wrapped up in my blanket with Pixel sitting on my lap.

I really liked Urinetown. I couldn't tell you if it was Brechtian or Weill-ian, but I really enjoyed it. There was some confusion with Steve as to where we were meeting, as he told me to get there at 2pm to save spaces in line (it was general admission), so I got there at 2pm and was second in line. And no Steve. Wait wait wait. No Steve. I asked the nice man next to me to watch my space and bought tickets for when Marcus Lovett is in. No Steve. Called his cellfone. Voicemail. 2.30pm and no Steve. They open the house, no Steve... and suddenly he comes running up the stairs, saying "Where were you? We were downstairs waiting for you!" Well, then don't tell me to get here early and save places in line if you're not going to join me! We wouldn't have had this problem if he had given me the ticket in advance. But you know what, that was all glazed over in like a minute, but until we patched things up I was pretty ticked. Anyway, I gave him his ticket for seeing Marcus Lovett, so we will not have this issue. We're going to sit front row for that one, hubba hubba.

Anyway.

The r.a.t.m. brunch this morning was a lot of fun - got to see a good number of people that I rarely see, as well as the usual suspects. Really really had a good time there. I took some pictures, and had Matthew take another one of me and James (as every few years we end up in front of a camera), and I'll put them online when I finish shooting off that roll of film.

6/2/01
I am not a morning person.

The wedding was as cheesy and annoying as all weddings-that-are-held-in-halls are. Imagine a central NJ wedding ala The Sopranos, and that was it. I love my Aunt Joan, with whom I can dish theatre things (she used to act and sing and is a total blast to hang out with) and it was good to see my cousins who I hadn't seen in close to 20 years. Stacy did wear a white dress so I was able to pick her out. But really, weddings in places like the Italian-American hall in Nowhere, NJ, just don't do it for me. I loved Eve's wedding - that was the way to go. Beautiful, outdoors, many many more people our age. I mean, Stacy is only five years older than me, but there were maybe six people there her/my age, and frankly, none of the women looked like they could change a flat tire or put up an extension ladder - two qualities I admire in chicks of any age.

And I had the joy of weighing myself on the scale at Mom's - we don't have one - and I haven't lost or gained anything in about five years. Yes, you can all shoot me now. I'm trying to eat healthier foods and eat less sugar, so I stuck to diet soda today. Someday I will lead a healthy lifestyle. It seemed like everyone at the wedding was smoking up a storm, and the room smelled horrible. I do not want to end up like the woman who looked positively gray at the next table. Nor do I want to end up like the woman who didn't realize she was 40 pounds too heavy to wear what she was wearing.

I have decided to elope. If and when I get married.

The rec.arts.theatre.musicals brunch is tomorrow, how exciting! It'll be great to see people that I haven't seen since last year, since a lot of the attendees live outside the city and/or have fallen off the face of the earth. It'll be a lot of fun. Must remember to bring Carousel score for James. And then Urinetown (which I will have to see a second time as Marcus Lovett - I know he's an asshole but I love his voice - is going into the show for two weeks, starting on the 13th) and then I can veg out on the couch with the Tony's and the cats.

later on 6/1/01
Steve took me to see Follies tonight - I didn't really love the show. Thought it was too concept-driven, especially in the second act - and I don't know... it just didn't do it for me. And the balcony at the Belasco is oddly obstructed, so I had a leko in my face. Love Steve, he also bought me dinner (and I love free food) and lent me his tapes of Tales of the City to make copies of! How cool is that... love the books, have never seen the adaptations.

I have to admit it here, I had a cigarette last night. I was nervous about something (phone call with person I have mild crush on) and had one. Bad bad bad. Today is a much better day, I have had two pieces of generic Wal-Mart brand nicotine gum and no cigarettes. And very little caffeine, too, which made me tired in the middle of the day. I'm trying to cut down on all of my bad habits.

Tomorrow I'm in NJ all day for my cousin Stacy's wedding. Decided not to see Tick Tick Boom tomorrow night, and I'll probably catch up on my laundry or something instead. Must go to grocery store and buy detergent first. I also have to find the number to actually speak to a human at unemployment, as the automated system says they sent my last check on 4/24/01, which is quite some time ago. I repaid the money they said I was not due because of being in London, so the checks should be rolling in. Hrm.

6/1/01
Happy June!

Missy and I went to see Tick Tick Boom last night. It was a musical that Jonathan Larson had been working on before Rent, before he died, and the author of Proof worked from drafts of the script to put this together. I really enjoyed it - I thought it was well-constructed, and I was surprised to realize that I had heard a lot of the songs at a benefit that was done in 1997, of Jonathan's songs. One of the ones I did not know was based on Sunday from Sunday in the Park with George, and as soon as they started singing it last night, I was in hysterics. Anyway, I'm playing back my tapes of that 1997 benefit, happy to recall that Ben Stiller was there (yum) and happy to hear these songs again.

On the way home... Let me just add that the Jane Street Theatre is as far from a subway as you can get, I always forget just how far it is. It's also some sort of weird hotel, too, as there were sketchy men in the lobby, and a sign that said room keys and towels had to be returned to get your $5.00 deposit back. Anyway. On the way home, on the subway, another strap on my Kate Spade bag broke - I must stop carrying around the contents of a small Circuit City with me. So I stitched it back on last night, and was reinforcing the first one that had broke when I jabbed the needle into my thumb, causing much pain.

Anyway. Got offered comps for Tick Tick Boom for tomorrow night at 10pm, and I'd actually be back from the wedding in time - right, I have this wedding in NJ tomorrow, my cousin Stacy, who I haven't seen in probably 20 years, and the only way I'll recognize her will be to look for the long white dress - so maybe I'll go see it again. Hrm.

-catherine

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